Gone Forever
by cullenforeternity
Summary: when edward decides to leave bella, her whole world is falling apart. she decides to take her own life. what will charlie find when he comes home and what will happen when edward returns and the love of his life is gone forever. 1st part up...


BPOV

He left me. He didn't love me. I was never good enough for him and he just, just, walked away. I just lie here helpless waiting for darkness to absorb me.

He was my life, my soul mate. How am I meant to go on? I felt as though he had taking my heart away, like I am just lying here like the dead.

_The_ _dead_. I kept running those two words through my head until I fell asleep.

That night I dreamt about the night he left me. The love of my life gone forever. He asked me to promise him one thing… to keep safe. But hadn't he broken his promise? So surely I could break mine.

I woke up in haze, waiting for the lifeless day ahead to haunt me. Ever since he left a few weeks ago, I shut away from the world. Not reading, watching TV, listening to music. I shut everyone out, all my "friends" and Charlie and Renée. I just locked myself in my room and curled into a ball.

I ate breakfast in silence, ignoring Charlie's questioning gazes. I don't get why he stares all the time, my expression can't have changed that much since my life was torn apart.

"Bella, we need to talk" Charlie asked cautiously, what was his problem? I wasn't a fragile little girl

"What" I simply stated, clearly no life in my voice.

"You need to get some help"

"I am not going to a shrink, to get my life made worse!" I all but shrieked at him.

He seemed startled. I don't think I expressed this much anger to him personally since Renée come to take me away.

"You're not going out, you're doing nothing! You're up in your room al, day just sitting staring into space like a zombie"

Zombie… this reminded me of my thoughts last night. _Death. _ It was staring me in the face all along! I needed to get out of this world and soon. I needed to soul mate is gone and never coming back, it just haunts me.

I looked back at Charlie at his now purple, about to burst obviously angry at me for not listening to him, transfixed into my thoughts.

"…YOU'RE NOT LISTENING…" what would this do to Charlie; I would hurt him so much.

"….calling Renée… help…" My mother, What would this do to her aswell ? How could think of taking my own life? But surely if you found your soul mate you want to spend the rest of your life with them, for all eternity. And they then just left. It didn't seem right.

How could he think that I could move on? Was he insane?! I knew I didn't deserve him but how could he think that? My world has been turned upside down by him. I have found out new things that I never knew existed. How could I turn my back on that? I was in too deep and I couldn't get out of it. I had to end this and end it soon.

"……I CAN'T do this anymore Isabella….." I took one look at Charlie's pained face and scraped my chair out noisily, avoiding any further eye contact with him. I trudged up the stairs and slammed my door shut, to hear Charlie shouting my name in rage and saying very unpleasant words. All of a sudden I heard a loud crash, and a front door being slammed shut.

I went over to my drawer next to my decrepit computer and took out a piece of paper...

_Charlie, _

_I am so sorry for leaving you like this. I just can't be in this world anymore. My life, my heart mad my sole has been taken away from me and can't survive without him. Please understand and don't hate me. Please tell Renée I love her._

_I love you._

_Im sorry_

_Bella_

_Sorry xx_

I felt my tears stream down my face as I was about to face what was about to come. I folded the letter in half, not wanting to crumple it , and put it in the envelope and placed a little something in there in case Edward ever comes back.

I walked down the stairs, catching as many glimpses through my blurry eyes at the house I would soon me leaving. I walked into the living room and traced my hand along the picture frame that held a picture of Renée and Charlie on their wedding day.

I took out my letter and placed it in front of the picture frame where Charlie would eventually find it. I picked up my shoes from our yellow hallway, a colour Renée had chosen to lighten the place up. This bought new tears to escape from eyes as I realised that Charlie was still madly in love with Renée and never got over her. I would be making this worse for him.

I pushed this thought from my mind and went to the cupboard under the stairs and looked around in the darkness to find what I needed. Charlie gun. I took it out and checked that it was loaded. When I was little, Charlie used to hang his gun up after work and remove the bullets for my own safety. But now he just left them because he knew I was not careless and would not use it to commit suicide. Well, that went bust didn't it?

I closed the door quietly, and my final walk out the house towards the garden. I got near the overgrowing fringe of the trees, and turned around. In front of my eyes I saw my childhood home. The creaking windows, the bright kitchen, the tree that sat outside my window.

I remember when Charlie made a fail attempt to make a DIY swing. What a waste of an afternoon that was. He got so worked up about it, it took me 20 minutes to tell him not to worry, and in the end I just suggested that he buy me a proper swing.

I let out a small chuckle that lacked enthusiasm, but gave me a hope of happiness that Charlie will forgive me one.

I remembered my life with Edward. All the happy moments, the times he bought a smile to my face. I let a small tear escape down my cheek, and I whispered to Edward

"I'm sorry" I then bought the gun up to my head and …

CPOV

She wasn't listening to me! I couldn't take this any longer. She was lifeless, so shut off from the world. Once that bastard had left she was nothing. a ghost that walked around the house, oblivious to the world around her.

This was it. I couldn't contain my anger, I was about to burst.

" I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ISABELLA" she just looked at me, still trapped in her thoughts and walked away. She just walked away from me. I needed to get out. I stood up and to contain my anger from hurting myself, I threw my glass of water against the fridge and stormed out the house.

How could she behave like this? He was just a boy. Why had she fallen so deeply for Edward. He was not worthy of bella. If only he saw her face the night he left.

She looked like a dead corpse covered in muddy leaves. I thought she was dead when Sam carried her through the forest. I was so scared. That man was so thoughtless.

Since then she has just gone blank. I thought it would get better, but it has just got worse, I threatened to call Renée back hoping that would take her out of her trance, but it didn't work. A few days ago I had Renée come down to take her away, as I thought that Renée would handle this situation better. We started to pack her bags and she lashed out at both of us, screaming at us to leave her alone. She stayed up in her room for two days solid, that I even went up to see if she was still alive.

I had gotten to the fishing pond about 3 miles away and decided to pull over. I went to sit by my favourite spot, overlooking the glistening water and the beautiful, gleaming Mountain View.

That was it. I just broke down. My darling daughter had been shattered by one guy leaving. It looked like there was no way to get her back to her usual bubbly self. Her life had been taken and there was no way to fix it.

I would track that pathetic excuse for a man down and kill him with my bare hands for what he has done to my daughter.

I put myself together and headed back to my cruiser. I took it slowly home, abiding to the speed limits, always keeping a mph behind the limit. I took in the scenery around me, but I couldn't see the colours anymore. The green forest now a murky black and the pink summer flowers just plain.

I wasn't seeing life anymore. Bella's pain was inflicting on me and couldn't cope.

I pulled up onto the gravel drive and took one big breath. I was going to say sorry to Bella and try to help her out. She couldn't live the rest of her life like this, in pain and sadness day by day.

I opened the cruiser door and stepped out. I went over to retrieve the key from under the eave, as in my haste to get out I had not picked up anything. Iu unlocked the door and all of a sudden I was hit with a pang of unease.

"Bella?" I said slightly worried. I got no answer. I started panicking and went straight into the kitchen. The smashed glass was still there. That was odd, any mess and bella would've cleaned it up.

"Bella? I shouted a little louder now. I started panicking. Where was she, she would tell me if she left to go out, but she didn't go out anymore.

I ran to the living room. Everything seemed normal in here. All of a sudden something white caught my eye on the mantelpiece. For a second all I could see was this white letter with my name on it that looked like Bella's scrawled writing.

I snatched up the envelope and read it to myself…

_Charlie, _

_I am so sorry for leaving you like this. I just can't be in this world anymore. My life, my heart mad my sole has been taken away from me and can't survive without him. Please understand and don't hate me. Please tell Renée I love her._

_I love you._

_Im sorry_

_Bella_

_Sorry xx_

Inside the envelope was a cd, with a note saying _for Edward, if he ever returns._

In the time that I could spare I went over to the cd player and placed it in.

What was this, a joke? What was she trying to tell me?

I reread the letter again and stopped at the last word. _Sorry_.

"NOOOOO" I screamed, this was no joke. I ran up to her room and yanked open her door. There was no sign of her apart from the blue biro that she had used to write with next to her desk.

I ran downstairs and noticed that Bella's trainers were not in their usual place. I went to check under the stairs, where all my shoes are. I couldn't see any sign of them. I was shaking so much that it didn't dawn on me until I was closing the door that something was missing. I yanked through all the coats. Something was missing. I looked at my clothes. Where was my gun? _My gun_. No. no, no, no, no. she hasn't. I ran out past the kitchen into the backyard. The tears streaming noiselessly down my face.

That's when I saw something brown blowing around and shining in the sun.

"BELLA!" I ran as fast as I could over to her. Finding her beautiful long brown hair sprawled around her ghostly pale face, my work gun lying next to her side. The tears started streaming down my face even faster, into her beautiful chocolate hair.

I pulled her up into my arms and sat looking at my daughter when I noticed that blood was running down my palm from where I was holding her head to my chest.

Notice me, take my hand  
Why are we strangers when  
Our love is strong  
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall  
Without my wings, I feel so small  
I guess I need you, baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here  
It's the only way I see clear  
What have I done  
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall  
Without my wings, I feel so small  
I guess I need you, baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain  
Please forgive me  
My weakness caused you pain  
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray  
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall  
Without my wings, I feel so small  
I guess I need you, baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you, baby

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

EPOV

I left my love in the gloomy forest, leaving behind my heart. I knew it was a mistake but it was what was best for her, I was endangering her life. It was better for her if I moved on, if we all me moved on.

I would never forget the best 6 months of my existence, to the one I had been waiting for my whole life. Bella. It hurt to think about her. How she believed I didn't love her anymore. That was one of the biggest, blackest lies I have ever told. I couldn't believe it she just believed me, she really didn't see herself clearly.

I was brought out of my reverie, by my "sister" Alice, who threw a pencil at me with her vampire strength from across the room.

"Ow!" I moaned. What did she do that for?

_Answer the question you idiot- _

i turned towards the teacher who was glaring at me, as was practically everyone else. I pickjed out what she was looking for in head and slumped back in my chair.

I hated this school, practically all the girls had already thrown themselves at me and each time I turned them down rudely, not bothering to be a gentleman. Everytime a girl came up to me I would just compare her to bella; she has the same shaped nose, slightly bigger upper lip, same length hair….

I just wished I would forget. Constantly listeningf to music I absolutely hated and trying to learn the words and going on long runs after school.

_Edward_ alice said to me in her thoughts _are you sure you made the right decision. I know why you did it but its tearing you apart. You cant keep going like this. Your making the wrong decision Edward. _

After that I just blocked her thoughts. I knew this was for the best. I wanted to give bella chance at a normal life, where she could get married, have kids and get _old_. I couldn't provide her with these things and I was just stopping her from getting a normal human life.

The bell rang and I jumped out my seat and scarpered as fast as I could at a normal human speed. As soon as I stepped out of the classroom a familiar face appeared infront of me.

"hello Edward"Tanya said as she spoke too me under her lashes. The queen B strikes again.

"go away Tanya. Im not interested" I spat at her

"aww Edward don't be like that" she said in a baby like voice. I just pushed her out of the way with a bit much force and stormed off.

"I always get what I want, eventually" _yeah right, you aint getting me, _she is so stuck up.

I went to wait inmy car for my other siblings to finsh gheir lessons as I had a free period. I turned on one of my favourite CD's, Claire de lune, debbusy. About a quarter of the way through the song I angrily stopped it as I remember that bella and I'd discussed this song.

I waited for a gloomy hour listening to the thoughts around me. I was sifting through the toughts when someone said my name. I instantly recgnise who that could be. No other than Tanya denali. _ He will be mine. He wants me but he doesn't know it yet. What could I do to make him go out with me? I wonder…_

Eurgh! Couldn't she get the point? There was only one person that I wanted to be with and she was gone. I was interrupted from my thoughts by my siblings getting iin the car.

They looked at me cautiously to see if I would have a sudden outburst. Once it was clear that I wasn't they started mingling between themselves.

_I cant stand this anymore, him acting all weird. Its tearing us apart. _A voice that I immediately recognised as Rosalie's.

I did feel sorry about putting my family through this. They had all moved on and gotten over this situation easily.

_God I wish he would get over this as the rest of us have, she was just a girl._

I growled out loud and they all turned into their seats to look at me.

"She was not _just_ a girl" a growled at them particularly at emmet.

_Chill out. This whole situation is stupid. Why don't I just go and fetch bella and bring her back here, that would slve everything._

"alice"I moaned "don't, she needs to have a normal life"

_whatever Edward_. She answered in her thoughts.

I just sped up faster, in a race to get home. I pulled up into our new drive way and began the long 3 miles up to the newly built modern building. It wasn't as nice as our lovely white house back in forks, but it was convenient so it will have to do.

I got out my car and trudged inside. I threw my keys on the table and called back harshly "lock the car" Alice huffed loudly as I walked up to my room.

I stepped into my oversized room and found my mother Esme sitting on my oversized couch. It was a nice room, I had to admit. It was much bigger than the one back in forks, but it didn't have as good of view. I just walked straight past and ignored her putting my bags on the table as slowly as I could. I emptied all my books and put them out on my self, aligning them so the binds were exactly straight.

I slowly turned round on the balls of my feet to face Esme. She was staring at me with her beautiful golden eyes, accept they looked sad and her face was pained with worry.

"Edward" she said softly. If she was human her eyes would be spilling over with tears. I couldn't resist the urge to go over there and hug her. I sat down beside her and she turned her sad face to look at me.

" Edward, I cant do this anymore, you walk like the dead around the house and don't do anything with us. Please just sort it out"

I felt so bad for putting esme through this " im so sorry mother, its just she was so special, she was my life"

"I no Edward, go get her or turn back to your usual self" she pleaded with me

"I can't; she needs a normal life without me ruining it for her"

"Edward I can bet a 100% that she is suffering as much as you are, if not worse, just think about it." And with that she went to the door, turned to look at me and left. How could I do this to my family? All the pain I was putting them through.

I decided I needed a run. I ran out of my room onto my balcony and jumped to the nearest tree. I ran like a monkey up the tree and continued to jump from tree top to tree top, taking in the wonderful scenery around me.

I climbed up the highest tree in the forest which towered over a flower field. In front of me was one of the most gorgeous mountainous views possible. The white/grey mountains evident in the distance surrounded by a beautiful, shining lake and evergreen trees. It was stunning.


End file.
